Philosophy of life

Bear grudge or remember boon

Whatever kind of relationship or however deep a relationship is, once a person in a relationship is treated by the other party badly or unfairly, or just in a quarrel, he or she will instantly forget the love the relationship once had and go to bear a grudge even to the bitter end. It is the kind of characteristic of human nature; however, there are some resolutions to modify it rendering human relationships in our world more optimal and deserving us cherishing.
How does a relationship begin and develop? In general, we meet and get along to grow a relationship, within the process, we will invariably or unwittingly place love, affection, feeling, and emotion into it to make the relationship gain a foundation, that’s why at the very outset, we will be very careful to get along with each other by saying nice words and showing care and love, that’s the normal way a relationship progresses. However; when a relationship goes on with time, familiarity will inevitably play tricks on it making the people involved forget to be nice to each other, and consequently, they will carelessly make mistakes hurting each other with or without intention.
The result is when a person feels hurt by the other party in a relationship, even if it is a mature one with foundation and experiences, the hurt party will bear a profound grudge and forget all the love they once had leading such a relationship beyond redemption. In fact, only if the hurt one can go recall the good things the other party has exceptionally done, he or she will not merely bear such a grudge but considerately offer forgiveness and understanding.
The crux of the matter is we will easily forget the good things the other party did to us. The reason is we used to take the boon for granted; we think we don’t need to memorize it. The other crux is we will like to think if they were authentic good to us before, why they will hurt us then, obviously they were insincere or even hypocritical in the past. Such an idea of thought can be very devastating, for it can annihilate all the good things they have done to you in your memories, and it can also explain why you will instantly bear a grudge instead of recalling some good things they once did to you. Such a negative thought is so toxic that it is good riddance so that you can be rational enough to find a way to cope with the problem.
One effective solution is to write down the boon or good things every time he or she has done to you on a piece of paper with notes of name, place, and details so that when one day an unpleasant thing occurs in the relationship, you can have this piece of magical paper be taken out and read, doing so you will forgive for the unpleasant thing they have done to you. The further effect is when they know you believe them good and go forgive them, the relationship in-between will wonderfully elevate to another level with not only love but also meaning and value. You are meaningful and valuable to their life because they see the halo around your head shine.

Judy Cheng

Hello friends, I am from Hong Kong, living there and having decent education there. I am a mother of two sons and I work as a veteran counselor at a fully fledgling marital introduction company. I like to share with people some tougher experiences in the area of human relationships, marriage in particular. I find human nature is a mixed blessing. While we are bestowed upon enjoying the advantages of it, we can also flee the disadvantages of it. How? I will tell you in my books and blogs.
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